The man looked as old as death, and as grave as death.
In front of him was a desk with a small TV set on it, a large notebook, and lots of bottles that seemed to contain medicine.
He held a pen in his hand, and a remote control in the other.
I slowly approached, uncertain how to act. I coughed nervously but he still wouldn't look at me.
He spoke first, his eyes fixed on the TV.
"You never stop complaining"
I glanced at the TV, uncertain if he was talking to me or to the screen.
On the TV was a talk show, the guest was a journalist of some renown, and he was going on about how our Institution needed reform. How the system needed to be redesigned, how its role needed to be revised, and how its leadership needed to change.
"You complain a lot, too"
I quickly turned my gaze to find him looking at me now, frowning heavily and beneath his frown the whites of his eyes shown grayed & bloodshot.I couldn't tell if it was menace behind that frown, or merely an attempt to focus and see through old age and sickness.
"Now what do you want?"
I held out my forms hesitantly. He waved them away and went on talking.
"What do you all want? They keep asking for reform. Reform reform reform! What is there to be reformed?! We've pioneered the reformation of this place, nobody cared for reformation more than us, and now after all these years they want us to step aside to take our place!"
"We know who's behind them, we know each one by name. We know who pays the papers to print the rubbish they write about us and we know who pays thugs to try and kill us and we know who plots to take our place." His face was turning red and his voice was getting louder. "Well nobody's going to take our place! Tell them, tell those who sent you... tell them they'll die before we do! Tell them they better pray to God to have mercy on their souls... they better pray to Him for mercy, for we will not show them any!"
His voice shook with rage until it broke down, and he stopped to catch his breath. When he started talking again he talked slowly and the anger was replaced with an infinite heaviness.
"We wanted reformation, too.
When we came this place was a disgrace, corrupt managers and ignorant employees.
We wanted a revival. We wanted new blood in the Institution. We wanted change.
All of us were intellectuals, writers, journalists and politicians.
We were patriots and poets.
We were young, influential and resourceful.
And we changed this Institution. Back when we first came to this place, we did exactly what they would've done.
And this is where it all got us. Everything was hostile to our presence.
We made thousands, even millions of enemies.
Now so many want us dead. Some try to kill us, while others just sit and wait for time to do the job."
The secretary was standing beside me, and he quickly added: "We stifle all attempts to harm his excellency before they reach him, of course. God preserve his excellency, we would be lost without him. May he keep leading us to safety till the end of days"
I watched the manager as he nodded approvingly to this.
Finally, I started speaking to him, uttering the last words he was ever going to hear from me.
I can't believe you. You sit here and you drink in your assistant's flattery and you talk as if you've made this place heaven on earth while the building crumbles around you.
You say you were an intellectual, a writer and a patriot, but all I see is a scared old man cowering in a dark room afraid of the light.
How did you get from there to here? It matters a lot but you won't pay attention to it.
You're not free anymore, and you've chained many to you and infected them with your fears and ailments.
I no longer want anything from you nor your institution.
Here are my forms and papers, my proofs of ownership of this Institution, the company of my father before you sold it to the government as if you owned the place.
But I'll leave it to you. I might have grown up here, but I know it's not the only place I have, and I don't want to work here anymore.
I've joined this place as an employee, tried to repair it from the inside out and from the bottom up like they say, but I would only do what you authorize me to do, and that was never enough to change anything.
And you know what? I never wanted you replaced,
but in case you haven't noticed, you've already been replaced by a far worse version of you.
I never wanted you dead either,
but you haven't been alive for decades.
And with that I turned around and walked out of my father's company, no longer ours, and I went and worked elsewhere, for we had many places.
I still go to that old building, but never as an owner nor an employee, merely a visitor.
I talk to the young recruits and sometimes to the older ones and try to see if any have life in them.
But I never go up to the top floor.
I have no business there.
