I caught it! I managed to pin it down and take a look at it before it evaporated, being by definition something incapable of surviving under the gaze of another.
Sitting there in my cubicle at work, feeling a little tired but not especially, a little depressed but not unusually so, and a little overwhelmed by everything that is and the lack of everything that isn't - sitting there I found myself slipping into a familiar state of mental silence.
Inexplicably, I was aware of it happening... everything around me started to evaporate, and I distinctly felt myself trying to hold on to some thread of conversation, some train of thought, or some sense of company -- before I end up with no distractions at all and nothing but myself.
And I couldn't, every issue became trivial and everyone became a stranger, and I was completely alone.
And for a while I lost myself to unreasonable despair.
This abstract despair didn't last, for soon enough all sorts of problems gravitated towards it and all sorts of reasons started to cling to it.
"not unlike politics", I mused, and found myself again thinking about the current affairs, and so I was back to the world of everyday, and what upset me was measurable again.
I think those few seconds are important, though, and I will remember...
when nothing was the matter with me, and that was why I despaired.
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